As a Deputy Commissioner of Civil Marriages, at the County Clerk's office, I have performed as many as fifteen weddings in a four hour period; the low-est number within the same time frame has been eight. Officiating that many weddings it might seem that the ceremonies by necessity would be mechanical, the act almost like churning out product on a conveyer belt or assembly line. But, for me, it really is about making the approximate fifteen minutes that a couple spends in front of me as special and unique as they are.
In small ways I try to make the ceremony as personal as time and opportunity allow including the use of personally written vows or affirmations. An injection
of a little humor can also help to keep things from becoming too route or even
sterile: I’ll remind a couple to gaze into each other’s eyes and not to fix on me as many are wont to do. I tell them, “You’re not getting married to me!”
My experience as a Deputy Commissioner, although relatively short, has been with a wide and varied range of couples. Recently after pronouncing married a barely-into-their-twenties pair in flip-flops and shorts, the new bride beamed, “Wow! I’m married and I’ve never even been to a wedding before!” With that they were off to the beach. This past Monday, after the familiar pronouncement, another new bride took some pride in announcing that she and her new hus-band had been together twenty-three years and already had three children together whose ages were twenty-one, nineteen and fourteen. I joked, “I hope he’s been paying child support all this time.”
My first County wedding is memorable in that it was transmitted some 17,000 miles away and with a 9-hour difference via Skype to Austria. After declaring the couple married it was the Austrian relatives who leapt from their fifteen-inch screen confines and were most boisterous with their applause and congratu-latory cheers. It is, however, the marriage of couple number thirty-three that stands out most to me at the time of this writing.
In small ways I try to make the ceremony as personal as time and opportunity allow including the use of personally written vows or affirmations. An injection
of a little humor can also help to keep things from becoming too route or even
sterile: I’ll remind a couple to gaze into each other’s eyes and not to fix on me as many are wont to do. I tell them, “You’re not getting married to me!”
My experience as a Deputy Commissioner, although relatively short, has been with a wide and varied range of couples. Recently after pronouncing married a barely-into-their-twenties pair in flip-flops and shorts, the new bride beamed, “Wow! I’m married and I’ve never even been to a wedding before!” With that they were off to the beach. This past Monday, after the familiar pronouncement, another new bride took some pride in announcing that she and her new hus-band had been together twenty-three years and already had three children together whose ages were twenty-one, nineteen and fourteen. I joked, “I hope he’s been paying child support all this time.”
My first County wedding is memorable in that it was transmitted some 17,000 miles away and with a 9-hour difference via Skype to Austria. After declaring the couple married it was the Austrian relatives who leapt from their fifteen-inch screen confines and were most boisterous with their applause and congratu-latory cheers. It is, however, the marriage of couple number thirty-three that stands out most to me at the time of this writing.
Bettina and Brian had a large entourage making it standing room only in the little County Clerk chapel but, their party’s number in and of itself didn’t dis-tinguish them so much as did their being so vocal and interactive with the couple and with me throughout most of the ceremony. I have to admit I can be a bit of a ham and I did take some liberty at my having such an appreciative and captive audience. In fact, I was so enjoying myself that I nearly ended the ceremony without my usual question to the couple asking if they had anything prepared that they wanted to say to each other. And, forget I would have, except I noticed Brian reaching into his pocket and drawing out a folded piece of paper. Understanding the cue, I yielded the floor to him.
He began reading tentatively, ignoring a few good-natured barbs from family and friends. With each line, however, the room grew more quiet and intent on hearing his words. Brian’s eyes glistened as Bettina took a tissue to hers. I don’t recall his words, but their essence is indelible – genuine, sincere and full of love. Bettina then produced and unfolded her script; the room hushed to a silence. I had withdrawn to a corner although I needn’t have for the spot-light clearly focused on her; the stage belonged entirely to Bettina and to Brian. The essence of her words was equally genuine, sincere and full of love. And, by the time they sealed their vows with a kiss, theirs were not the only eyes moist with emotion.
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